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I will be turning 21 soon. Well, not really that soon, but "soon" doesn't come with an expiry date so yeah, I will be turning 21 soon, and I just randomly decided to do a blog on the 21 simple things I have come to learn or simply dislike(mostly from uni). I don't know where i'm headed with this post but the idea came to mind and I had to answer to the calling. lol
I strongly believe it's in uni we begin to build solid foundations of our characters. But then again, it's not like I know better, so i'll come back to this 5 years from now and assess whether my sentiments were true or not.
P.s these are just things i've learnt not THEE ultimate things one needs to learn as I am still but in the learning curve. Anyway here we go.
1) NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE/LOVE YOU!
Speak your mind, say what you feel and be yourself. Only watch what you say/how you express what you feel when it is hurtful to others, not because you know it isn't what people want to hear. Bottom line; don't try to please people or appeal to everyone because you'll end up "gaining the world" and losing yourself in the process. So stop worrying too much about what others think of you and start doing you because the only approval you need, is your own(or maybe your family's, if you are a family person like I am).
2) MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
Speak your mind, but limit this to things that only affect you or others(in cases where you are speaking out for someone e.g when they are being victimised) but don't get involved in stuff that's none of your business(who's getting with who, who's having a baby, who's trying to be Nicki Minaj)... In short, don't be a gossip girl, or the male version for that matter. If you are opinionated, talk about things that matter. UNLESS of course they are your little sisters or brothers, now that's damn right your business. Lock them in a room till they are married off if you must to keep them decent.
3) KNOW YOUR PRIORITIES!
Do what you need to do to get to where you want to be! Forget this "we are a team" business. Before you jump into conclusions, I am not saying don't be a team player! So have a seat \_ and read on. What i'm saying is remember how you got to where you are and how you will leave. In uni for example, you meet awesome people, some of whom you'll be lifelong friends. However, remember you didn't come there with these friends and you won't leave with them(technically you all go your own ways whether you keep in contact or not). When you get that degree after completion of your course, it will have only your name on it not you & your "crew", so keep loving the crew but don't forget your priorities. Those who don't understand when you need to sit and get your stuff together are just not suppose to be in your inner circle. Simple as.
4) BE A GENUINE & HONEST FRIEND!
Build relationships you are ready to be loyal to. Don't make friends only to sit around and talk smack about them when they aren't around. And don't make someone believe they have a friend whom they can put their trust in when you are the first to mock them or speak ill of them. If someone's character or personality does not appeal to you, then don't have them close to you believing you "like" them & that you're friends. That only shows lack of character on your part. So be that friend you would want your friends to be to you.
5) ACT LIKE A HOE GET TREATED LIKE ONE!
Lets be real here. If you go to a job interview drunk and oozing of alcohol wearing your pyjamas and sandals, you'll probably not make it even through the introduction phase. How you carry yourself around will determine how people treat you. And that alone will gain you the respect you deserve without even demanding it. Sometimes you have to stomp your foot on the ground and demand it. In this case create a damn earthquake if you must. e.g You walk into a club, head straight for the dance floor... Everything from how you carry yourself just shows you're there to jam. Some random dude thinks it wise to touch on your behind... My girl, bring the house down if need be!
6) KNOW YOUR WORTH LADIES!
I cannot stress this enough. Ladies your value is not set in the price tag of the red bottomed heels you wear or the length of your skirts. It is not in how much cleavage you show, or how much booty you share with the world. Your value is already self asserted in the fact that you are a WOMAN! So be a woman. Keep it decent & keep it classy. Not just in terms of how you dress, but also how you act and speak.
7) HAVE FRIENDS WHO CHALLENGE & MOTIVATE YOU(Healthy competition)!
From the simplest things like getting essays done, to how big you dream and what you want to achieve. Have those friends who ask you why would you want to be a fly when you can be a dragon, why would you want to be the employee, when you can be the employer or why would you want to be a goodwill ambassador when you can be the president?... Those with whom you can stay up hours discussing business plans, debating headlines and even better, those who challenge your outlook on things. Those who's accomplishments motivate you to do better, not feel like you've got company with your "failures". So know your circle, have people who build you up, not pull you down. Those concerned with far better things than what party's on this weekend or which celebrity's dating who. Most importantly, those happy to see you succeed and celebrate your achievements like their own.
8) SET THE TONE AT THE BEGINNING OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP!
Whether it's a new friendship or a new entanglement, set the tone at the beginning. People only treat you the way you allow them to. If you allow people from the get go to push you around, it will turn into a continuos cycle. So don't be the girl/guy on the side then years later be wondering why you're always the girlfriend/boyfriend number 2. Make it clear the kind of person you are and what it is you have tolerance for from the very beginning. Those who accept who you are, are the ones you need. You need be defined by your traffic lights. Green - Who you are, Red - Who you are not & Amber - Where you can compromise. Never make compromises where you have to set aside the principles that make you the person you are, or the person you are not. Instead walk away.
9) YOUR CHARACTER/VALUES SHOULD NEVER BE CONDITIONED!
Marry your values, have them and hold on to them, everyday, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part. If your character is conditioned and changes from time to time, then you are lacking in character. If how you treat people depends on who you are interacting with or their status(be it social, financial, or any other) then you've got to get working on your character, for your own good.
10) DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE USED!
Be nice, but not stupid. Know the difference between people who genuinely need your help, and those who just want to use you. The difference between those who are with you for who you are and not what you are, what you do or what you have. Guys, if you have to open your wallet to impress a lady, then it's either a) she's just a goldigger or b) you're just a plonker. If the former, you deserve much better, and if the latter is the case, work on having more going for you than just how big your wallet is.
11) BE HUMBLE!
Never think yourself better than anyone. Don't look down on others. There's a difference between confidence, and arrogance. Remember life has no guarantees. You could easily be that person you look down on because of what you have or what you are. So have regard and respect for every individual and despite what you have accomplished, remain humble. Remember life is interdependent, you didn't get where you are on your own(wherever that may be).
12) RUMBLING ON ABOUT WHAT YOU OWN!
If you're that kind of person who likes to go off every time about what you own, STOP IT. It doesn't make you cool, it doesn't make you better than anyone. It just makes you sound foolish and you come off as a very annoying prick! Just have yourself a seat and shut up!
13) ARGUING WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE!
It's not hard to say "I don't know" or "I don't know enough to discuss this". Don't be that person who argues with ignorance. Just stay out of a conversation if you have no understanding of it because you might actually learn something, instead of opening your mouth and showing ignorance. Besides, as the saying goes, "it's better to be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt".
14) STOP TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE!
The secret probably summarises this best; "You cannot change the people around you. But you can change the people you choose to be around. Some people are just toxic to your life, and it doesn't mean that they are bad people. It just means that your lives are going in two different directions, and that the only way you both can live your best lives is to split apart so that you both may have room to grow." So stop always pointing the problem outward and instead search inward and know that solutions can only come from you.
15) UNDERMINING OTHERS' WORK!
Criticise constructively, don't be a hater. Hating only means there's something the other person has that you don't. So if others' progress makes you mad, stop spending your time looking for negative stuff to point out just for the sake of undermining their work. Instead get to work and build yourself something. Find inspiration to get your stuff going through others not the constant need to put them down. So when looking at something, don't approach it with the intention of criticising, look for something to appreciate. Because we always find what we are looking for.
16) BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
You should be your biggest fan. If you don't believe in yourself, nothing will work out for you no matter how many people believe in you. It all starts with you.
17) YOUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR LATITUDE!
If problems have a solution, seek the solution, if they have none, move on and avoid crying over spilt milk. Don't react to circumstances, instead respond to them. Also known as the Cockroach Theory for self-development.
Understand that you are in the drivers seat and in control of which side your wheels turn. Everything else is just but a bump, which you either have control of, or is simply outside of your control. Everything that is within your control, take charge of it and drive that stick shift car instead of an automatic one. And if you happen to hit a hard bump, as long as you're still breathing, get up and keep going.
18) FORGIVE EASILY!
Don't hold grudges, be it towords yourself, or others. Allow yourself to air out your negativity. If someone hurts you, say it. If you are disappointed in yourself, talk about it. Don't let things build up and don't allow yourself to be bitter. Because the more anger you trap in your system, the more of an angry person you become and all this eventually comes out in form of dysfunctional self-disruptive behaviour.
19) APPRECIATE MORE!
Appreciate life more, appreciate the people around you more. Understand the worth of every single person you have in your life and how they all play their roles respectively in the person you are and show your appreciation often.
20) YOUR FAMILY SHOULD BE YOUR STRONGEST LINK!
You never know when the world can turn against you. So have your family be your strongest link. Don't have a "don't care" attitude and think you "can do without" your family, because you can't. Once again, the world is not guaranteed, but your family is. So if you must go to round the globe to make ends meet, without hesitation, do it.
21) TODAY WAS YESTERDAY'S TOMORROW!
Every new day is an investment into your future and every lost day comes with it's consequences. So be wise and stop doing things today that you know, will leave your tomorrow blurry. Instead try as much to paint a clear picture of that tomorrow and work towards it. You might not get the tomorrow you envisioned, but you will sure get what you invest in. So as my dad would say, establish whether you are working hard, or hardly working.
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